Everywhen*

At the end of the day, you know you are alone.

 

Half-living the twenty-one years of my existence, I have come to learn now that life is how you see it. I say half-living since I can’t bravely tell if I have lived every moment to its fullest experience.

 

I used to believe that in solitude, you get to know yourself better – because the only thing that you can take hold on to forever is yourself alone. But things happen as you believe them. And believing that world is such a harsh sad place to live in will forever be a harsh sad place because that’s how you see it to be.

 

No one really wants to be alone. Solitude is a bullshit defense mechanism to keep you from pain and loss. We choose that. So is the life we live. Continue to consider everyday as a struggle to fight for, and life will surely fight back and give you more struggles to live by. So see each day as a gift. As the animated film Kung Fu Panda says, that’s why now is called present. We are given everyday time to choose – to change the bad to good, keep things good, make the good better, and work for the best.

 

So I choose to live. Each day is a learning, relearning, and unlearning experience. And I know, that at the end of that each day, I will always long to share every experience with someone – see the world, listen to each hopes, shout hearts out, express thoughts, create masterpieces, give warmth, and breathe life – together.

 

At the end of the day, you must believe that you are not alone. If you are, you chose it asshole. Or maybe some asshole chose not to be with you. And there can be a lot of assholes in the world. Or maybe life is just really not on your side because you don’t deserve to be happy. You will die alone. So die now. Whoever told you that life is fair? Stop making a fool out yourself. That’s being redundant since you’ve been a fool ever since. Trusting and believing in assholes. Now that makes you an asshole yourself.

 

Dear Self,

Don’t be schizophrenic now. You scare me. 

 

*Everywhen is coined from an Anna Escay-Cortez fiction which inspired a segment for an on-going TV project.

~ ni lunabertigo sa 22 Hulyo 2008.

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